I Don't Know if I should talk about it

But I am going to anyway. Tonight has been a really up and down night, Kalab and I have been fighting all night! Some background info, I had a night planned with my friends two weeks ago. A cooking class at a trendy place here in town. I asked Kalab two weeks ago to make sure he had this night off so I could go, I paid 20 bucks for the class and have been looking forward to it, an adult night away, to chat and have some fun, and learn a good recipe or two. More background info. Our car has been broke down for two weeks, he has been working on it with a couple buddies, but ever day he says its almost done, or its not what he thought and he's going to change or "fix" something else. Finally he said he was going to take it in to be fixed. Which was pretty expensive to be fixed, a stupid fuse of something but only took them an hour. So for two weeks I've had to bum rides from friends (with two kids and car seats), or walk, which wasn't to bad, we live 1.5 miles from Fred Myer and the park, MC Donald's and stuff like that, but it was definitely getting old. So I was really counting on tonight to make me feel human again. This morning he asked me what I was going to make him for lunch, I immediately started overreacting.

"What, no your not working tonight! I have my girls night!"

"Jarah I have to work, we just paid for the car to be fixed and rent is due next week I am not taking money from savings again."

You can only imagine how the conversation escalated from there. Not a pretty picture, and honestly I don't want to relive it.

My side, I couldn't careless about savings when my sanity is on the line. Not having a car (freedom) is really tough as a Stay at home Mom of two busy active girls. I had missed several play dates, swim lessons, dance, and life goings on, without my car that he had promised day after day would be fixed soon. I really felt left out and isolated without my car. Plus he was gone mornings fixing the car, would come home, maybe for lunch, then leave again all night for work. I was a single Mom with no car for two weeks. It was really difficult. I had had enough. tonight was my night, and he wasn't going to mess it up. He asked me to find a sitter, I tried, but just didn't feel good about it. I had found one, but before she had canceled at the last minute, didn't really feel like I could trust her, and the girls didn't really like her last time. I asked Kalab to call into work for a personal day. He relented, didn't want to, threw a fit, and finally did it.

His side. Money is tight. Its hard to save. He is always right. I am Mom first and don't need time away. We just paid for the car to be fixed, rent is due, we are on a stricked budget and He cant sacrifice the money he would make tonight. Maybe he feels more, but wont talk to me, so I really am lost about all his reasons as to why, I don't deserve a night to myself.

This isn't going to be fixed. We just cant see eye to eye. I cant explain to him and make him feel the way I do, and I do understand his reasons, but feel that my sanity is important too, and everything doesn't always have to be about money! This is really difficult to write about. Not alot of people are honest about what they fight about with their husbands. People feel like its taboo or a defeat if talk about fighting with their spouse. Most the time Kalab and I get along pretty well. But MONEY is a huge issue between us. I like to have savings, but seriously what good does that money do in the bank if you cant enjoy it once in a while, or when you really need it, I am not being dramatic, but I really needed it tonight. Honestly it feels better just being able to write and vent. I am going to try and get some sleep. and even in spite of my hubby, I actually had alot of fun tonight. Had a seven course yummy delicious meal, I helped prepare and company of good friends. So even though he doesn't understand why I needed it, its okay, I would just feel better if he was happy for me!

Holding on to Summer!

I would love it if Mother Nature would just let it be warm for a little bit longer. I miss swimming outside already. I can see my summer tan fading. The past couple weeks have been spent going for walks and playing at the park. For Labor Day we took one last summer trip to Provo and Richfield, to visit lots of family. We had a really good time, but thats for another post, hopefully sometime soon.

Updates!

Kalab passed his Social Work License test. Yay! He has been working like crazy. He has two jobs and never works the same schedule. Which means chaos! Some days we only get him for 20 mins, barly long enough to scarf a family meal and give hugs and kisses. Poor Halley, stands at the door crying for Daddy, at night she comes to his side of the bed looking for DADA. I miss him too. Hopefully soon, we can find a better arangement. Kalab has been looking and applying for lots of jobs.

I have gone through 4 big totes of clothes and shoes of the girl's, put up listings on Ebay and Craigslist and have made about 200+ bucks. I dont know why I was holding onto them, I have a strange attachment with the girls clothes and thats why there is still 2 totes left, which was 6 total big totes of clothes and shoes, I was holding onto. Boy does it feel good, to have the clothes gone, and money in my pocket, for a certain little misses Birthday thats coming up soon! Ava is so excited about being 5.

Ava is really excelling with swim lessons. I usually drop her off at the pool, then go upstairs to do my workout. Wednesday I came in early to pick her up and at the end of class they race eachother, and when I saw who they matched her up with, I got a little worried. Girls twice her age and size. But she completly smoked them. When I saw her little arms going so fast, I felt like Michael Phelps Mom. I was so impressed and she was so proud I saw her win. Its amazing to see her swim, its almost kind of amusing, Shes short and stalky, but whatever shes doing, its working. She also just learned to ride a bike without training wheels. She growing and learning so fast. I am so proud of her and everything she does, she does well. What a blessing and Joy she is to our family.

Halley Mae. Is becoming quite a handful. What a hoot though. She loves shoes. She knows whose shoes are whose, and when she wants to go, she brings everybody thier shoes and pounds on the door until we open it to leave. She loves to have her hair done and if I am doing Ava's she will cry until I do hers. She loves Bows and neclaces and purses and dolls. She is all girl.